Cerro Atlantico by Umbral

Arrived at 2.00am after a delayed flight. Rang the phone number on the door and Norman's mother arrived 20 minutes later to let us into the building. After some form filling we were then asked for a 200 euro deposit for 'damage' to the room. We declined this kind offer. Norman's mother became very irritated. She then requested a 20 Euro 'late check in' fee. Again we declined this lower offer. Eventually she reluctantly gave us some keys to room 01. This was when the real fun started. Mr's Bates refused to show us to the room and angrily pointed us in the general direction of where the door was located; down two flights of concrete steps, with our suitcases, in the dark, close to the edge of the swimming pool. We dumped our cases on the tiled floor and went to bed. When we woke up things got worse. There was no hot water from the shower and the bathroom basin would not retain any water making it impossible to wash or shave. We then discovered several items of broken furniture and realised that the terrace sliding door had been unlocked all night while we slept. The kitchen bin had a large crack in it, the kitchen table was chipped and battered and the dresser drawer was in pieces. Thank God we swerved the 'deposit' for any damage. The gaff was already in bits! I mustered up enough enthusiasm to return to the reception and ask for someone to accompany me on a tour of our accommodation so they could witness the carnage. My Portuguese is hopeless and their English was not much better. However; it turned out that the water heater was not plugged in and the housekeeper also knew how to lock the door. This resolved the two worst issues and left us with a secure room and a hot shower. Sadly the non sealing basin plug continued to leak water for the duration of our stay; so I shaved with a running lukewarm tap and the Mrs had to improvise. They also agreed to never ask for the 200 Euro deposit again. What I will say is that the 'apartment' was spotlessly clean and the tiling and decorating were to a high standard. The bathroom and kitchen were generally OK (apart from the missing or leaking plugs) with functioning kettle, hob, toaster e.t.c however; the fixtures and fittings in the remaining rooms were absolutely appalling. The furniture was pine, mainly broken or malfunctioning and the electric light fittings and installation were frightening. The brass bedside lamps in particular scared the bejesus out of me. I considered rubbing them in the hope that a genie may appear and transfer us to a proper hotel. One other delight we discovered was while sitting at the white plastic patio table the people above are more than happy to flick their fag ash all over you if you are stupid enough to attempt to eat or drink anything while sitting there. I'm not sure the Mrs will ever speak to me again having brought her here. You know the words to Mumford and Son's most famous chorus. Do yourself a favour and avoid.

Not fantastic but not horrendous, we spent very little time here other than to sleep because the weather was so lovely. Fantastic location, very basic hotel. The beds were very comfortable and I stripped them all the way back to make sure they were clean and they were brand new, in fact the whole apartment was absolutely spotless, extremely clean, I cannot say the same for the rest of the hotel it's very tierd. Honestly if I fancied a couple of very cheap nights away in the beautiful albufeira again outside of our full family summer holiday (which I wouldn't book this place for) I'd book again.